Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
