I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
