i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
