I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
