Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
