my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
