Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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