The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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