you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
