he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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