Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
