Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
