mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
