I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
