OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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