The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
