the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
