so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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