All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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