I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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