Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
