You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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