Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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