I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
