I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
