i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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