the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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