Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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