I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Congratulations! We have a period
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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