the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
