Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
