I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
