there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I believe in your delicious
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
