Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
