Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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