when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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