At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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