Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
