Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
