just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
