Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
