Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
