Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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