I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
