If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
