did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
