I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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