i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
