Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
