I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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