Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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