I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
