I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
