haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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