Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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